I actually felt relaxed today. Thats the first time this Christmas. Its been awful, but I think or hope my downward spiral has bottomed out today. Its been very useful posting about this December descent and when viewed as whole my posts show a slow build to a dark influence. My random post of the dam collapse I found on You tube predicted the awful water trouble ive had for instance. Im hoping this full moon brings this horrible circuit of negative energy to a close. 

Mean while on Face Book I came across a meme about how the sun stops still for I think it was the 3 days before Christmas but on Christmas day it starts to move again as it is " reborn " This overlaps with the worst of my luck and moods for December. Ive always felt a marked improvement in my outlook on Boxing Day. 

Moods can be worked on but luck cannot. I dont want to go through this again next year. Now to try and have some fun before this festive season in over

The sum of it all. Again.

  Dec 22nd -  Water bowl for cows stops working. Buy and fit new one

Dec 23rd- Water bowl at other side of building snaps off flooding building and the stop tap breaks at the same time !?

Dec- 24th Another water bowl gets air locked. Wifes newly repaired bumper has scrape on it. I go for a drive and ABS sensor wire wears through on driveshaft. Power steering packs up due to low oil level all of a sudden. Mother reverses into neighbors car. 1000 liter water container falls of tractor in yard.

Dec- 25th Calf breaks foot. Evie falls on and bends dish washer door !

Dec 26th Another water bowl valve sticks and leaks. Scrapers jam.

This is what I have to put with and its quite normal for Christmas. Last night as the wind got up and the early dusk set In I could feel that force that vents its anger here every December. Its an emotion of bitter joy in the air. I can feel the festive vibe but everything thats happening here to me is isolating me from it with a vengeance. Easter is the same funnily. Everything goes haywire then to. It seems to be the religious holidays that are the problem and hence ive grown to hate them, really hate them.

Video shows moment dam gate collapsed at Lake Dunlap

So who let her in ?

  Well, well, well..If I didnt see this with my own eyes and have it confirmed by another then I would have not believed it. Somehow amongst the Christmas carol subtitles on a local Zoom service the name CATHERINE randomly appeared. As I live next door to the original site that gave inspiration to Wuthering Heights this is striking in the extreme. It gets better when I look at my Face Book memories though as I made a joke 3 years ago to the day about her character.

What could have caused this ? Lots of local people " gathered " but separate concentrating on a single goal ? Im getting palpations here. Oh, and last but not least a film crew have been scouting the property with the view to making a " Bronte " film. CAN YOU SEE IT YET ?

 

Anger = Action

And so it starts...

The nights are now blacker and the Christmas lights are an annoying watery colour. Ive regained some energy tonight after an afternoon sleep. My head feels thick and my eyes are sore. Im fighting to keep a sociable air to me. Each negative feeling is expanding daily. Today I woke up and every muscle and joint hurt. I had zero energy. Caddy fell off the bike and I dragged it down the road who knows how far cutting its legs. Had I not noticed at all I could have dragged it to its death. I felt sick.

Gary Numan - Everyday I Die - Hybrid Version (2003)

Nobody knows about that guy years ago...

Kaboom !

 Two loud bangs have occurred in my thoughts !

She'll be coming round the corner when she comes...

  I keep having dreams about a young very dark haired woman. She is not very tall and of medium build. I never see her face but am very aware of her affection for me. I'd say she was around 20 years old maybe. She is starting to get frisky. I wonder what tonight brings ? Ive read stories about this kind of thing and it seems there could be a real life reason for these dreams. She is not my type at all, but she's all fired up and ready to go. This could be a December thing. A Solstice Winter darkness thing.

Self sabotage

  As the days shorten I begin to get a growing urge to buy hand tools. There is a deep pleasure and satisfaction to this. I guess this goes hand in hand with my  fixing bug that also grows with December. I am on a sliding scale here and it will end in tears by Christmas. The compulsion to tinker gets over whelming and my judgement worsens. Team this up with the entropy that grows daily until New Year and I will do something I regret...

Stop me if i am wrong ?

 If a wise man today disregards what he considered to be a truth years ago... and if I today am undecided on the merits of said subject...does this make ME ahead of him on the curve ? If i am undecided I am not falling foul of any falsehood. The future is not set in concrete

Kate Bush - Wuthering Heights - Official Music Video - Version 2

Well i wasnt expecting to post this today, but at around dusk the weather turned so mild and humid and the clouds so billowing and dirty grey that there was an over whelming feeling of the month of March in the air. It felt as though Spring was approaching as it does just before lambing time. Almost as though a window or portal had opened.

Obtusely Queezy Uneasy

Hollow moon illuminates the naked sky. Low watt dirty yellow half moon shines tonight. An atmosphere of subtle sorrow.. and loss.

Marc Almond - The Days Of Pearly Spencer

First true days of Winter. Snow on the hill tops. Are we what we've become or what we started as ?

Runaway heart

And so it starts...the countdown to the month December, a sharp change. My impatience caused me to write this post last night, and it then struck me that this whole journey begins sooner than the aforementioned month. In fact it starts with the clocks changing and with that excuse I shall start posting to this blog from tonight.

  Its a beautiful moon light night and there is a chill in the air...almost a romance between the black nights and  icy cold. An emotion of hysterical optimism inhabits the dusk hour and a giddy sweet feeling the first few moments of the dawn.